I quit my gaming group of some eight years back in January.

Um, maybe it came as a shock to some but I’m pretty sure those who’d stuck with me since 2012/13 knew I had been struggling pretty much the entire time. With you know, various things.

We had a lot of turnover in our group- which I never saw as a bad thing when you consider the players who stuck with us for years generally left for like, college. Or to raise families. Or move out of state. You know, life takes people in different directions. I was also constantly recruiting new players when we had openings, and occasionally invited people to come check out our group when we didn’t have openings.

I have a ton of regrets from running that group- I mean, like. It took me a session or two of talk in therapy to get out most of what was still explicitly bothering me leftover from January. And for the most part- here in October- I have put out of my mind most of what was bothering me. More importantly, I not only don’t regret my decision to leave- I don’t miss the game.

I think one of the weird things is how I flip back and forth between not caring, and being a little bewildered about not caring. Or like, the depth of how I don’t care. Like, my apathy toward D&D right now kind of bores me to the point that I stop thinking about why I don’t miss it. I’m sure I still have hang-ups, but like .. I’d rather be watching a movie with my kids or learning a new slow cooker recipe.

Earlier this year, I picked up & played a new Action RPG- Grim Dawn. Awesome game. It was pretty much if Fourth Edition had been licensed as a game. I’d love to talk it over with someone who got really into the lore of 4e but those people are pretty few & far between. And I honestly don’t care enough to go looking for them or start the conversation myself.

A couple months ago, I got really into Minecraft, which rekindled my interest in a variety of sciences like biology, geology, engineering, and meteorology. I even tried my hand at modding for a bit- purchased and configured my own server to run at home- and experimented in creating & maintaining modpacks. It’s some fascinating stuff, considering the climate and all.

And much as I continue to work on projects related to creating & running TTRPGs, I’m out of school and working in software, which leaves me little time for monstrous vanity projects.

I also continue to “think game design thoughts” pretty much all the time. But as literally none of my income comes from those- or this blog- they mostly live on in daydreams, notebooks, and abandoned drafts.

If the post title seems misleading, I mean- go look at it again. I didn’t say “why” I quit, or “how.” I’m not raging against the heavens or the players I left behind. I mean, this post has been about what I’ve done since then- which is .. work, learn to cook, grow my family, and play like, other games.

Like I said, I don’t miss D&D. The most productive conversation I’ve had with myself about it is whether I’m going to bother sharing it with my kids. And that’s still years away. My oldest is seven now, and does not have the temperament for the game. I will at the very least wait for my 3yo to catch up a bit. I think he might have a promising career as a thief ahead of him when he’s ready- but it’s honestly going to depend on too many factors which I can’t predict.

I’m not going to offload any of my gaming stuff though. That stuff is such a large part of my identity I couldn’t part with it without needing a lot more therapy. I have closet space, it can sit there with my college textbooks and my DVD & video game collections (and the LEGOs .. and a few other things waiting for the kids to get a little older). If nothing else, some time in the closet with give me room to contemplate whether I ultimately need to share them or not- next time I take them out might actually be to discard them.