Why am I so glum today?

It might be the impending end of the new Rumors of War comic. It might be that I did my taxes yesterday — actually, finishing our taxes was relaxing considering I spent a chunk of the day playing Dark Souls. That game stresses me out.

But no, now we’re two weeks out and I need to get something off my chest. Maybe some people make a bigger deal of this, but I’ve been trying to make sure my life isn’t going to fall apart first.

I quit my job of eight years to go back to school.

Now, I’ve actually been going to school since last summer, but on a strictly night-school kind of scenario. But let me tell you — married, child under two, no job — I’m scared. I did everything “right” but there’s a lot of uncertainty.

My family is set to “cruise control” — I don’t actually know what that is since I don’t drive, but it sounded good — for up to a year while I try to knock out as many requirements as I can to move up to the next rung in my career.

What is the next rung? That’s a very good question.

What is even my career? That’s another good question.

I’ve been entertaining several options. Obviously (?) I want to make games, but failing that I’d make a pretty good accountant. Maybe it’s the rules lawyer in me but accounting concepts come to me pretty easily.

So Plan A is accounting. It has to be. That’s the one everyone respects.

It isn’t the one I want for Plan A, but it isn’t about me anymore. I guess it hasn’t been about me for a long time but this change really brought that home.

Plan B is game design. I’m still working on the game book, and that’s great but I’ve hit some snags. To be perfectly honest I’m not super-enthusiastic about tabletop gaming right now. I’m hoping it’s just a phase.

I haven’t stopped working on the book, I’m just working on it slowly.

What I have been working on however, is a video game. Using RPGMaker VX Ace, I’m about halfway through a pretty generic fantasy RPG.

It isn’t going to be stellar — but it is going to be a game. From the beginning to end. The combat math is something I’ve been working on for a couple years so the game is going to be tough, but fair. Like my D&D campaigns.

It’s going to be pretty grind-tastic but I don’t see that as bad.

I’ll talk a bit more about this game in another post.

Plan C is novel-writing. I’ve worked on a few novels before but between work, school, and family there was no way a novel was going to happen. The comic squeaked by at times despite all the preparation I put into it.

My responsibilities at work, school, and home were only increasing — but a novel might happen now. I make it sound passive but I’m serious. There wasn’t time before but I might have time to make it happen now.

Even that could wait for another post.

I’m writing about fear. All this future-stuff sounds great but I’m afraid of becoming aloof (more aloof, I guess) and complacent. I’m afraid of losing that lean, hungry attitude that works. I’m also afraid of over-compensating.

So, it’s fears all around. But also stuff to look forward to. Huzzah?