This is almost a soapbox post but it and pertains to my recent activities in game design, particularly with regard to RPG Maker VX, and my slow reintegration with certain Internet communities. I have to say now, “I need a freaking adult.”

There are times when trying to communicate with other people on the Internet is embarrassing and/or humiliating. FaceBook and Twitter are fantastic platforms for “cyber bullies” to reach entirely new audiences, and then of course there’s always Penny Arcade’s Greater Internet F@%#wad Theory, or GIFT.

In the last couple weeks, I’ve been belittled, chided, harassed, insulted, and talked down to in myriad ways. I’ve been reminded of basically every reason why one should withdraw from the Internet community entirely, and cancel one’s Internet service without looking back. It’s just… depressing. Horrifically depressing.

And in a way, I’m glad for taking the time to reconnect and remind myself of all the reasons why I work alone, and only collaborate with others (particularly those whom I can only contact over the Internet) in extremely limited capacity. Not only do I not trust the vast majority of people in close proximity, digital ones are nigh-abhorrent.

While it’s true that someone living just across the hall from you can keep their door shut at all times, shun you and quietly mock you, all the while avoiding your sight and even creating enough sound, such that you might panic and think they’ve died, you have no way of knowing what’s going on with someone halfway around the world.

Of course, even if you can establish an effective line of communication with anyone you happen to be collaborating with, there’s always the matter of how they treat intellectual property. See now, I understand and accept that any idea I bring to a creative meeting. Is. Not. Mine. It belongs to a collective — everyone in the group.

Due to the immaterial nature of intellectual property, you literally have no claim to an idea once you share it with a group. And I understand and accept that other people are so rabid about the very few original thoughts in their head that my point of view of the subject is insane by comparison.

I don’t worry about ideas. Ever. If someone were to steal my blog today, and put their name all over it and claim it as theirs, I would be angry. I would be sad. I might even fight back for a while. If I got my blog back, I’d be elated. Happy. Ecstatic. And if I didn’t get it back… I’d get over it. I give away ideas like they’re going out of style.

Honestly, faithfully, I would happily work with anyone who treated me with respect. It isn’t just a matter of “what can we do for one another,” but “what won’t we do to each other when we aren’t in the best of moods.” There are some people I can work with for a short time, and most I just can’t stand to collaborate with on projects.

I need time, space, and boundaries. I need someone reasonable — demanding isn’t a problem as long as they’ll accept that I have to work at my own pace to do my best. They don’t need a solution for every problem, but they can’t throw a tantrum when they don’t get their way, and they have to be ready to work to solve a problem.

So to answer my subject line… I’m searching for the Golden Fleece.