I sat down and gave myself a writing-to this morning which helped tremendously. This time around, it took reminding myself that I have a lot of good things going for me — nay, lots of great things going for me — and that it’s okay to be okay with what I already have. I’m always going to want to push myself harder, to do more, and I don’t always have to push myself.

When I wrote to myself this morning, I said something about have two modes of efficiency that work during different times and sometimes compete with one another. Mode one is the “long-term planner” that works best with “the sky’s the limit” conditions and has the ability to plan epic adventures and enormous, tangled plots faraway in the distance, and of course paints in broad strokes.

Mode two is the one that will compromise where necessary to get the job done, and stops at nothing, really, to make sure everything gets finished, regardless of quality. It thinks in the short term, worries about plot relevance in passing, and stays up until morning to make sure everything is ready to go — and to hell with the consequences. That’s where some of the really bizarre stuff comes from, I think.

Now, I don’t know how much of what I wrote to myself is stuff I can believe, but this was what I gave myself, and it seemed to work to calm me down after yesterday’s fit. I really upset myself with whatever I did … but now I made myself feel better. *snerk* I wonder sometimes, just whose side I’m supposed to be on, with all the grief I give myself.