I had a curious reaction to Nenshe’s story, “The Constant Sheepherder,” both as I was wrote it and as I transcribed it. I knew, from the outset, that the story was generally supposed to portray the character Nenshe in as negative a light as I could without hating the character. I waffled over the ending a number of times, in particular. The shepherdess appeared on her own, as I was writing.

In the version of the story in my notebook, there’s a lot of back-and-forth movement, there’s more dialogue, and Nenshe leaves the woman to die of her injuries instead of performing a sloppy mercy kill. I wonder, I mean, I think the story is lacking a lot. It’s really spontaneous, disjointed, I just … I don’t know. When I wrote the ending as it appears here, I felt a little ill.

*shakes head* I’ve felt … weird about some of my writing before, but not about any in recent memory. I’ve written about unpleasant things before, I wonder why this affected me. I don’t actually have any explanation — except maybe that I’m out of practice or maybe that I’ve gone a bit soft. I don’t know. *shakes head* I don’t know.