I wrote about this overdeveloped sense of responsibility that I sometimes exhibit, and I felt it flare up just a few minutes ago and now I’m trying to calm it down. I had to go and look up the word responsibility to get a better idea of what exactly it is I’m trying to figure out about myself and what it is I’m doing. When there’s something I want, I take any obstacle as a personal challenge, regardless of the other people involved.

I think this is a bad habit. I think I started to become aware of it about a week ago, and now I think I just caught myself doing it again. I saw something that appeared to be an obstacle between me and something I wanted, and immediately, I could feel myself getting warmer, my heart racing, my blood pumping, and I was trying to come up with all the ways of overcoming the obstacle I could. There might not be an obstacle at all.

It’s like a berserk button for me. There are honestly so few things that I feel extremely passionate about (I’ve managed to subdue most of them via self-control and whatnot) that those few remaining things — and new things, it would seem — are something I feel I must protect at all costs. I caught myself doing it, though. Which means I’m a step closer to recognizing it when it’s coming and eradicating it.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in protecting things that are important to me, this just isn’t a constructive way of doing it. My brain is a lot more useful operating in calmness than it hot-blooded anger and self-righteousness is what I’m saying.