In keeping with the pseudo-tradition of “Introspective Wednesdays” (I spend a lot of time with this inward-thinking, so technically every day is an introspective day, but my blog seems to reflect this on Wednesdays more than not), I want to bring up this point again that I’ve been dancing around, trying to make sense of, for the last *mumble* weeks.

It’s this idea of taking honesty beyond telling the truth, to make any motives and intent not just accessible, but plain and upfront. In other words, I’m seeking transparency of some sort. It isn’t that I don’t like surprises, I enjoy surprises on a regular basis. That may be part of it, lots of things surprise me about daily life. What I’d really rather not have are “life surprises” — things that jump out at you and shout “boo!”

Some people need drama on such a regular basis it’s a wonder there isn’t a dietary supplement for it. I don’t want that, I hate that petty, soap-operaesque garbage. I don’t need it, I live a pretty fulfilling (at present) life full of excitement and surprise (however subdued it may appear from the outside) and I’m happy with what I have.

I want more out of life, and I’m working towards that. There are lots of big, important decisions and steps and things, and I want to go at my own pace. I want to enjoy every step of the way, and there are people with whom I want to share those moments. I don’t want to rush things, I want them to happen at their own pace. No nasty surprises for anyone.