I’m a great big ball of goofiness. I say this with a mix of pride and self-consciousness. I’m not really the type of person who I’d describe as “wearing his heart on his sleeve” but there are certain times, certain occasions, when I feel it’s absolutely necessary to make it painfully obvious to someone what I feel about them. Towards them. To them. I think it’s part of this movement towards openness and honesty that I’ve mentioned before.

I’m a pretty private person and I don’t like people all that much. It’s confusing and difficult to describe. It isn’t that I actively dislike people, it’s more that there’s this undercurrent of anger at the general state of the world that manifests as an “intense indifference,” if that makes any sense. I have a fondness for people and their quirks, and I try really, really hard not to care. People can be (and have been) unlikable at times.

Then I go and do these things in places where there are people. Why? Because I like people. I said it was confusing but really it isn’t, it’s simply complicated. I both like and dislike people at the same time. My logic/philosophy teacher would call me irrational, and she would probably be correct. Now I’ve gone and met someone. I like her quite a bit.

It’s … strange. (There was a long, long pause between those last two words.)

When I like someone, I mean, when I’m attracted to someone, be it physical, emotional, or what have you, I get this anxiety. A sense of … well, I get butterflies. With her, there are no butterflies. Only intense interest. Like, “how’s you day?” interest. Like “what’s going on with you?” interest. Like “what would you like for dinner tonight?” interest. Being big on self-awareness, this is something I think is unprecedented.

I want to be worried because I’m not worried. And I told her all of this. :P