I watched the second half of the Director’s Cut of Troy last night. It starts in with the Trojans attacking the morale-battered Achaeans, only for the Greeks to rally around Patroclus disguised in Achilles’s armor — Hector slays Patroclus and Achilles flies into a rage, kills Hector and drags his body around behind his chariot. King Priam goes to the camp of the Achaeans and begs Achilles to return the body of Hector, then Odysseus gets the idea for the horse, and … Troy burns, etc.

There are a couple things I particularly enjoy about the second half of the film: I really enjoy the fight between Achilles and Hector, where their spears and swords are zinging through the air, and how Hector tripping over a rock is what ultimately spells his doom. I don’t know about y’all, but tripping and falling down — getting the wind knocked out of you unexpectedly like that can be hell on your whole system. It’s pretty traumatic, and Hector was a real trooper about it, not taking a breather after that fall.

I think the thing that pissed me off the most was Andromache (Hector’s wife) telling him that he “didn’t have to go” when she saw him before the fight. I mean, seriously? No way in hell is a proud, strong princess of Troy going to mope about her husband going out to settle a debt of honor. You didn’t hear Hector try to negotiate with Achilles, oh no, it was “look, I’m sorry I killed your cousin, he was disguised as you. If we’re gonna do this, let’s be cool about it — none of that leaving the other for the wolves sort of thing.”